From Issue 3.1 - September/October 1996


Coming Clean

Seems I've been doing an awful lot of demystifying lately: analyzing the undercurrents that run beneath the "power exchange," revealing the insecurities that lie underneath the facade of dominance (and the strength that lies underneath the facade of submission), and generally destroying everybody's cherished illusions.

Well, it's time for a confession. None of that was true. I'm really a heartless, cold, domineering bitch. All dominants are heartless, cold, domineering bitches (or bastards, as the case may be). Furthermore, all submissives are spineless, cowering wimps.

And what's more:

• I am entitled to be a dominant because I am always in complete, perfect control of my own life. If that control ever wavers, if I ever prove less than perfect, I will immediately recognize my true submissive nature and start hunting for a perfect master who will take over and run things properly.
  
  
• My dominant nature is so profound and pure that people should be glad to serve me. If anybody -- for example, PG&E, the cable company, or my dentist -- fails to perceive their debt to me, and is foolish enough to think that I owe them something, that is merely their own blindness. Fortunately, there are always others who will compensate for such idiocy by paying for me themselves. And so they should: dominance as perfect as mine deserves tribute. (I also think it's very perceptive of Liz, Kiki, Meredith, and the rest of the folks at Cuir Underground to go to all the trouble of publishing a whole newspaper simply to give me a forum for my opinions.)
  
  
• Dominants are better than submissives. This is obvious. If we weren't better, we wouldn't be able to be dominants. Furthermore, women are better than men, bisexuals are better than monosexuals, and heavy players are better than light players.
  
  
• I have never experienced a moment's hesitation, guilt, concern or fear as I exert my dominant nature. It is inconceivable to me that I should ever have such feelings, for if I did, that would be a sign that I was not a true dominant. Moreover, I know that anybody who fails to serve me in any way I see fit, and who is not willing to accept any form of suffering at my hands or at the hands of anyone I choose, is not a true submissive and is unworthy of my time and skill.
  
  
• Courtesy is for submissives (and, I suppose, for vanilla folk). My dominant nature entitles me to behave as I please. If I condescend to be rude to you, you should feel honored: at least you have had the good fortune to receive my attention at all.
  
  
• My submissives' needs are of no concern to me. They are there for one purpose only: to make my life easier and more pleasant. The privilege of lurching out of bed during a bout of the flu to drive across the Bay Bridge at rush hour in order to clean my cat box should be pleasure enough.
  
• I never, ever bottom. I was just telling you I did because switching is so fashionable these days. Everybody knows that a real dominant never wants to let someone else be in control, or to feel pain. If I ever felt the slightest desire of that nature, I would immediately give up domination, since I would obviously be unworthy to hold a whip.
  
  
• SM is not the least bit sexual to me. I am dominant because that is my true nature, and I cannot be anything else. Expressing that nature is my only desire, and I would not dream of cheapening it with sexual interaction, or of losing control by becoming sexually aroused or -- heaven forbid -- having an orgasm. Sexual arousal would lessen my power and get in the way of my true dominance.
  
  
• I love wearing fetish clothing, especially very, very high heels. All dominant women do. Teetering around in agony makes us feel powerful. We only pretend it doesn't because we don't like giving you what you want.
  
  
• It gives me a special thrill deep down inside when some yutz I've never met addresses me as "Mistress" or throws himself to his knees at my feet. He is obviously a very special person who is perceptive enough to recognize my true nature. I don't understand why everybody doesn't do the same.
  
  
• I've never quite understood the concept of "consent." A dominant is a dominant; it is not in us to seek consent. If I can do something, and it pleases me to do it, I should do it. To withhold my desires because some silly person thinks he doesn't want to conform to them is to deny my true nature.
  
  
• I never bother to negotiate, and I never give my partners safewords. My true dominant nature enables me to ascertain when I may be doing damage. Not that I care, of course; the privilege of my attention is certainly worth a few physical or emotional scars, and there are always more submissives available to someone like me.

So I hope this relieves my readers' minds, and returns them safely to the fantasy world that I was pretending to try to yank them out of. Be sure to read this column next month, when I'll tell you more. I'll also fill you in on my Nobel Prize, my Vogue cover modeling session, and my Swiss bank account.

Lady Green is hard at work on her upcoming books The Compleat Spanker and (with Dossie Easton, as Catherine A. Liszt) The Ethical Slut. Her company, Greenery Press, publishes these and many other books on introductory and advanced SM and related sexualities. For more information, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to 3739 Balboa Ave. #195, San Francisco, CA 94121, or e-mail her at verdant@crl.com.